Job Loss Can be Family's Gain -- Hard Times Offer Opportunities for Family Growth
By SHARON MILLER CINDRICH
In the past year, the unemployment rate has risen and families have felt the financial blow as millions of jobs have been lost. Other families have experienced the weight of cut salaries, cut hours or being completely cut off from wages and health care.
But the kids still need to eat, the bills still need to be paid and, somehow, a family must manage to stay strong and optimistic. Is it possible for a family to survive financially and emotionally under such circumstances, and even benefit from the situation?
The answer is yes. Resourcefulness and optimism can help families cope through the stress of a layoff and discover a new appreciation for things that they used to take for granted.
Here are some things to help a family weather the unemployment storm in a struggling economy.
Hey, I don't have a job! Say it to everyone you know – even the kids. Children are intuitive and will know something is up, especially if you’re trying to hide the news. Talking about it not only gets the feelings off your chest, but also lets the world know you're available. Opportunities might arise through a conversation with a neighbor, a relative or even in line at the grocery store.
Stop, look and listen. Some levels of anger, frustration, disappointment, fear and panic are common in every member of the family during this type of crisis, said David Taussig, licensed marriage and family therapist and director of clinical services at the Family Institute of Northwestern University. "The capacity to listen, be empathetic and develop a plan together is often neglected," says Taussig, who believes keeping the lines of communication open to express emotions is key to surviving tough times.
Take advantage of time together. So it's not exactly the vacation you'd planned on. It still can be valuable time together as a family. Spend some real quality moments together, whether playing checkers or fixing dinner. Use this unexpected opportunity to enjoy activities that were impossible with the scheduling demands of a job. Surprise your children by picking them up at school or making a pancake breakfast. Family togetherness can ease the tension, reinforce priorities and keep the family cohesive.
Get into a habit. We don't mean take up smoking. Create a routine to replace the structure a job gives. Make your bed. Take a shower and get dressed. Check email and make a few calls. Putting a routine into place will help you make the most of your time and avoid the lay-off slump.
Time for a change. Switch grocery stores, gas stations and video stores if it means saving some money. Can you cancel your cable, lawn service or milk delivery to bring down the bottom line? Make changes in entertainment choices. Instead of spending money on the movies (adult tickets can cost more than $10 each), dinner ($60) and a sitter ($40) on Friday night, stick a frozen pizza in the oven ($3) and rent an old movie ($2) after the kids hit the hay. Small changes can add up to big savings over a month's time.
Make a good impression. This goes for more than your interview. This is the chance to show your children how to handle a crisis, how to manage unexpected situations and how to cope with loss and disappointment.
"Parents have to show a united front. They have to be on the same page," says Taussig, who recommends that parents keep emotionally charged conversations and unsettling details out of earshot and reassure their children that the family is going to come out on top in the end.
FREE FAMILY FUN
Library. Free books, free videos and free programs for kids. For entertainment as well as potential job research, the library should be your first stop for the whole family.
Picnic. Throw a few sandwiches and apples into a basket, add a Frisbee and a blanket and find a park or a wide open space to stretch out.
Enjoy the parks. You may have been too tired to ride your bike or take the kids to the park after work. But with your schedule freed up, you can enjoy the playgrounds, water fountains, bike paths, swings, foliage and hiking trails.
Fishing. Dig up a few worms and gather the family for a fishing trip.
Cookouts. Nothing cures the woes of life like a freshly grilled hot dog. Have the kids choose their own sticks for roasting marshmallows.
Scholarship programs. Did your son have his heart set on scout camp this year? Was your daughter planning on taking swimming lessons? Check into scholarship programs often available to families during periods of hardship. If there isn't one in place, consider ask about deferred payment options or a reduced rate.
Sharon Miller Cindrich is a Virginia Beach mom of two, speaker, columnist and author of several books including A Smart Girl’s Guide to the Internet and A Smart Girl’s Guide to Style. You can find her column, Plugged In Parent, in the Tech Talk section of the Virginian-Pilot. Learn more at www.pluggedinparent.com.