Just How Far Will We Go Without Boundaries and Expectations?
Imagine what the world would be like without laws and standards that govern how we should behave. Without consequences, too many people would do the unimaginable. Just think, if we didn’t have performance standards in the workplace, our productivity would decrease drastically, but with no consequences for performing poorly, who would care?
The same holds true when adults don’t set limits and expectations for children. Children don’t perform to their full potential. They do the bare minimum and behave irresponsibly. That’s why healthy youth development is supported by appropriate boundaries and expectations.
- Adults at home, in school and the community must provide young people with clear rules and expectations and when children break them, they should be given appropriate consequences. Many confuse consequences with punishment. Consequences should be seen and used as teaching tools, not punishment.
- Adults need to serve as role models. The message sent by adults should not be “do as I say, not as I do.” We have all witnessed the youngest children modeling adult behavior – good and bad. The modeling does not stop as they grow up. It becomes ingrained.
- Friends influence friends. Young people whose peers are positive and engaged in responsible behaviors are more likely to also behave responsibly.
- It is quite normal to function at the expectation level set for us. Young people begin to expect more of themselves when parents, teachers and other adults set appropriately high expectations, encourage them to do well and provide them with the tools to succeed.
Although sometimes it’s difficult to believe, our children actually feel safer when they know the rules and standards by which to behave. According to researchers at the Search Institute, having clear boundaries and consequences often equates to higher levels of self esteem, increased academic achievement and decreased problem behaviors.
To learn more about the Search Institute and ideas for establishing healthy boundaries and expectations, please visit www.search-institute.org , www.mvparents.com or contact the Virginia Beach Youth Opportunities Office at yopps@vbgov.com.