“The 101s: A Guide to Positive Discipline – Living the Golden Rule”
by Katharine C. Kersey, Ed.D.
“Do to others what you would want someone to do to you” is the bedrock of almost every world religion. Most of us have been taught its merits since we were children. However, when it comes to raising children, does it work? Do we really want children to treat us the same way we treat them?
If we truly believed in the Golden Rule, would we yell at children? Would we embarrass them, take their favorite things away, become visibly angry, ridicule or hurt them? If we believed the Golden Rule, should we expect children to yell, embarrass, take things, or try to intentionally hurt us?
Most of us would agree that what we want for children in the long run is for them to make good decisions and eventually live meaningful lives – on their own – without us. How do we accomplish this? The answer lies in the way we behave ourselves and the way we treat children – from birth all the way through adolescence. Children are born not knowing how to behave, and they learn these skills by watching us. We must learn to treat children respectfully, responsively, and sensitively.
If we truly lived by the Golden Rule, we would constantly ask ourselves the questions, “How would I want to be treated? What would I want someone to do or say to me?” When chidren are treated with respect they will have respect for others, as well as self respect.
We are our children’s first “mirrors” and they look into our faces to see who they really are. Parents have the power to make or break the spirit of children - to help them believe in themselves or to make them doubt their own potential.
Children are always watching us. They model the way we eat, talk, walk and behave. If children think we are angry with them, they begin to doubt themselves. If they think we are pleased, they gain strength and courage to keep trying. Experiences that may seem unimportant to an adult may be the defining moment in a child’s life.
Children repeat the behaviors that work and eliminate the ones that don’t. Children want and need our attention. We need to look for the positives by investing our energy and attention on the kind of behaviors we want to see “more of” in children. In other words, focus on the “Do’s” and not the “Don’ts.”
To do this, parents must first have the tools to create positive results. From there, they need time to practice the new techniques until they become part of everyday life.
“The 101s: A Guide to Positive Discipline” provides 101 techniques that will create the kind of outcome that we all want for children. See the related links box to view ten of the principles.