When school's out, children have more time to freely play and explore. That's when parents often see an increase in arguments, fighting, and “he said, she said.”
What can parents do to help our children work through their disagreements? We can teach them simple conflict/negotiation skills that can last a lifetime.
Everyone argues at some point. Conflict is part of life. Let a child know it is okay to be angry, but how you handle it is important. It is never okay to solve a conflict through hitting, fighting or yelling. Healthy ways to address conflict include having a goal when you argue. This is not an opportunity to have one person win, but rather a time to find solutions, understand what the other person is trying to say and let the involved individuals share their feelings. Showing mutual respect for each other is also important. Speak calmly and don’t blame one another. Both go much further than yelling or using mean words. Our children need to stop and listen to what the other person is saying so they can work together to find a solution.
“I messages” are a great way to communicate and are easy to teach. For example, saying “I feel angry when you hit me with the ball” is much better than yelling, “Quit hitting me you moron!”
Another option is to help children find common ground to use as a starting point. Redirect children to another activity they enjoy doing together.
These are only a few of the many ways to resolve conflict. Keep in mind that as we teach our children they will look to us -- the parents. They will watch how we interact and they will model their behavior after ours. After all, parents are role models for their children. If we ask our children to use conflict resolution techniques, we should be prepared to use them as well.